zaterdag 6 oktober 2012

Ain't it just a kick in the nuts.

Ain't it just a kick in the nuts.

Sort of the feeling like your intestines
may pour out your nose
while at the same time
the muddy banks of the Mississippi
may overrun in your pants
and you gotta piss harder
than Katrina's opera of prophetic rain
and you can feel the laughter behind your
eyes burning like vodka socket shots
and you know that you are going half crazy
while the other half is already gone
somewhere off in the universe
watching gay unicorns daisy chain
their horns through honey nut cheerios
in fields full of poppy plants 
and God is a laxative
and my toilet won't flush
and Love is a retarded teenager
 unafraid to dance before a complacent crowd
of a million tie dyed sheep
while revolutions are being swallowed
up into stomachs riddled by ulcers
and open sores ooze politicians
and Big Bird has a price on her head
and Southern preachers scream
that Obama is Osama
and Mitt Romney is a Muppet after all
with a great big corporate fist up his ass
and well shit,
Ain't it all just a kick in the nuts.

dinsdag 31 januari 2012

Come you stupid sparrows

Rose bushes like over eager teenagers
budding in January before their season
and we the people keep smiling 
cause the sun is shining and 
it ain't too cold
and the sparrows are singing in 
the barren trees and 
we have yet to suffer a real winter freeze
and I am wondering if due to global warming's 
affect on the price of oil in the middle east
if the airline prices this year were
just too expensive for those damn sparrows
to by a ticket for somewhere warmer in the south.

While walking the dog this morning
Nature caught me by the arm 
and stopped to ask me
if I knew when the first frost would be coming.
Complaining that she was over tired and that
the bears and the raccoons and the deer and all 
the forest creatures were just a bit out of sorts
wandering aimless insomniacs during this
deceptively  mild treasonous season.
Nature went further to say that her cousin 
spring seemed to have lost all patience 
and could not wait for the prom
while her step brother the Fall 
was acting like a stubborn ex-lover 
who won't take the hint
and just let go.

I invited Ms. Nature in for a cup of coffee or tea
 and a homemade cookie, 
but she declined and said
that she would have to take a rain check 
for a more in-climate  day.
Seeing as it was so pleasantly warm for this time of year
what zonder it would be to stay inside, she said.
I am going for a walk 
along the beaches of Zandvoort and Boemendal,
 Nature proclaimed.
What a pleasure to do so on a Tuesday morning
with the sun shining such lovely rays of ignorance upon us.
Plus with the rest of world working and worrying and all the
German tourists back in Hamburg, Nuremberg and Marienberg
the beaches are finally free of debris.
And I have a hankering for some kibbeling
with whiskey sauce and a sea breeze,
said Ms. Nature before she summoned all her forest friends 
and stated  "Sorry rose bush try not to freeze, 
come you stupid sparrows 
through the dunes and on to the sea!"

donderdag 26 januari 2012

Oh Iowa

Oh, Iowa

Oh Iowa,
I shed a tear for you.

How do you tolerate all the
men in collared shirts and sweater vests,
polished SUV’s and perfectly combed hair.
Clogging the streets of Mason and Sioux City
with CNN fatty acid news feeds of politicians
spewing cholesterol filled slogans,
slinging hollowed out hot dog promises.

Oh Iowa,
you are the
artery choked heartland of a country in coronary arrest.
Your commonplace street corners over run by
wide eyed crusaders calling out for your right wing conservative votes.
Proclaiming the need to put God back in the White House and every other house
where men and women with perfect sparkling white teeth proclaim that belief belongs.

Oh Iowa,
bologna on white bread miracle whip
ancestors of Anglo Saxon immigrants
home to the Amish, the Quakers, the Mennonites
the German Pietists and Transcendental Meditationists.
In the name of Slipknot we call out to you,
death metal citizens of Davenport, Cedar Falls and Waterloo.

Oh Iowa,
Des Moines, safe and sanctity
capital city
overrun and pillaged by spin doctors
spitting out false prescriptions for healthcare.
Painted faced politicians
fevered and frothing with sound bites
reporters roaming rabid dog expectations
swing votes like small prey
making them anxious
heating their loins.

Oh Iowa,
how do you handle it with such poise
When the devils come dancing down the corn rows.

Cold medicine conclusions

High on cold medicine
And caught in the act,
I said,
Come on honey
Don’t look at it as porn,
But National Geographic for naked apes.

...and As crisis trickles down the back of your throat
like the slime of so much daytime t.v. snot
Congestion this simple question
do humans really gives a shit AT ALL ABOUT THEIR SURROUNDINGS?

Monkeys scratch their asses and then sniff their fingers, too.
Yet still, there are people out there who don’t believe in evolution.

maandag 26 december 2011

For the Believers and the Deceivers


T’is the season to revel and dishevel
To look back upon all the memories of the year gone past
To unlock the skeletons accumulated in our closet
And unleash the ghosts of all the holidays gone past.

A time to feel sorry for all those that
We couldn’t be bothered to look at twice
As we rush through the dag in dag uit sludge of
Our daily compulsions

To be shocked and awed at the
Ugly repulsion that is In God we Trust
And the need to spread democracy
Like a junkies hunger and our material lust.

Tis the season to defy all reason
And stuff our faces till our bellies surge
Like a tsunami over our waistlines
A time to remember that what is yours is yours and
Hands off, cause What’s mine is mine.

It’s a time to feel pity on the poor and the sick
Those that we wouldn’t even touch on a normal day
With a ten meter stick
A time to give and a time to receive
As long as it is your own conscious that you please.

Donation seekers disrupt my evening meal
A euro for this a euro for that
Don’t they know that I couldn’t care less
That the poor are getting poorer and
I live like a fat cat.

For I am the Christmas consumer
Spending like a fool
The giving of gifts is the only way that
I can feel good about all the wrong that I have done.
But repenting will have to wait
for tomorrow I am heading off to a third world country
to revel in their Third world sun.

And to all those compassionate souls who sit in glass houses
I will volunteer to throw the first stone.
To smash the glass and cause a stampede
Cause Christmas is the time to give and
The creation of more chaos will help me
Feel better and give me the Christmas feeling that I need.

dinsdag 29 november 2011

Ik ben een jager.

Ik ben een jager,

En ik jaag graag
Op jongens en meisjes
die een jas dragen met een

Ik wacht bij de kermis op het plein
Met zicht op de botsautootjes
Het is bijna middernacht
De mist hangt over de gesloten attracties
In de verte zie ik mijn prooi.
De rode punt van brandende Marlboro Lites.
Hangt in de lucht,
Ik weet dat ze daar zijn.
Ik zie de witte lampjes van de brommers en
Hoor het irritante geluid van meerdere brommers op de weg.
Ik adem in en uit en luister.
Ik hoor het stoere praten van tieners
de gillende stem en het gegiegel van de dames
de brutale stomme lach van de
nog jonge mannelijke variant.
De jongens proberen elkaar uit te dagen
Om de meisjes te overwinnen
Een bacardi breezer fles is kapot gemaakt)
een vechtpartij breekt los
De politie op het plein is bang
En doet niks,
De mannen en vrouwen in blauw pak blijven op een afstand.
Ik maak mijzelf klaar, en kijk in mijn vizier.
Ik wacht...op een goed schot.

Ik ben een jager.

En ik jaag graag
Op jongens en meisjes
die een jas dragen met een bontkraag.

dinsdag 1 november 2011

Reimagining Allen Ginsberg’s HOWL while listening to the Dead Kennedy’s “Give Me Convenience or Give Me Death” while watching the Occupy Wall Street

Reimagining Allen Ginsberg’s HOWL while listening to the Dead Kennedy’s “Give Me Convenience or Give Me Death” while watching the Occupy Wall Street protests on CNN with the television on mute.

I have seen the best minds of too many generations over educated and out of work, pissed off, angry and finally fed up, in a country where freedom of expression has been replaced by constitutional repression
As the overwhelmed and underpaid set up camp in Zuccotti park, taking Wall Street on one by one, looking for some justification for the fact the world economy has bottomed out,
Dreadlocked hippies, tattooed hipsters in skinny jeans, blue collar workers, the young, the old, everyday people one and all seething at the reason that the job market has dried up and the housing market has become a ghost town,
In a country where financial fraud is a crime easier to get out from under then of paying off ones hyper inflated mortgage
When garage sales become a way to keep from going broke and families go
from living in suburbia, to living in their suburban suv’s, and picket fences and two car garages are traded in for supermarket parking lots serving as their front yards,
In a land where the price of a McDonalds Happy meal is more than the minimum wage earned by the hourly slave whose brain swims in deep fried misery,
And Ronald keeps smiling that stupid clown smile, all jacked up on corporate blow,
Where the cash cow has been slaughtered and hung up to bleed out, blood pooling on the floor rising like the river Styx and we are all floating down together without a paddle. And it don’t matter anymore of it’s been a kosher, halal or Christian kill, we have all become just so much meat to be grinded and blinded, chemically engineered fast food good time slime,
As the middle class has become the toilet paper the rich wipe their ass with.
As the price of oil has become the modern day black plague that we are all fevered upon,
As big money buys up the newspaper space and Fox news sound bites clutter the airwaves, as cardboard shelters pop up underneath hedonistic high rises, we all wait for the golden towers to fall.
As the word socialism is slammed upon to provoke a frenzy of a communist scare and the mid west is injecting democracy into their over worked veins and the influx of merchandise from china keeps the consumer smiling that soft capitalistic glow,
The rug has been pulled out from beneath human behavior, do we really need to blame by name, when even common decency has evaporated like so many passing fads.
Liberty blinded by the pure sight of it all, a culture based upon three monkeys who see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil have generated enough pure evil to leave us flat on our backs,
Advertisings evil angels calling us out to be individuals, don’t be like the rest, be your own consumer,
Born to gestate, impregnate and buy real estate,
These violations of our time,
Bleed from the need for social media, facebook your network to feel connected alive and involved in this devolution of human connection,
Have we been rendered passive by pessimism, anger, frustration a common thread to hang oneself upon,
Too long have we the people suffered in silence, we all have to speak out,
We need to educate beyond the schools,
Color outside the lines
Teach the simple skills of giving a decent handshake
and how to look one another in the eye.
Time to repaint the penitentiaries, parole for the petty criminals and drug offenders
while the pedophiles and rapists need to make some room for their new white collar cellmates.

And here in the Netherlands…it is “do effe normal, man”
After eight years of Balkenende, now we have to deal with a new ellende,
With the CDA, the VVD, the PVV
Is it only me or does it seem to be raining
a continuous political shit storm everyday,
and Geert we all pray for your soul, cause I do reckon,
Give it enough time and someday your next breath will be exhaled through a bullet hole.

I say Swaffel the State!
Let freedom reign in the cum
stain left dripping from Mark Rutte’s expressionless face.
End the corporate fascist greed with one big shot of Occupy the world’s communal seed.

This message has been brought to you by Codependent Consumers for a more Compassionate Capitalism.


"do effe normaal man"... Dutch street talk used by politicians
Balkenende..ex Dutch Prime Minister
Ellende...word that means that everything is shit.
CDA, VVD, PVV...acronyms for Dutch political parties that run the country but don't get along.
Geert...Wilders leader of PVV and Muslim hating all around douchebag. slap someone in the face with your johnson.
Mark Rutte...leader of political cannibals the VVD.