Ain't it just a kick in the nuts.

Ain't it just a kick in the nuts.

Sort of the feeling like your intestines
may pour out your nose
while at the same time
the muddy banks of the Mississippi
may overrun in your pants
and you gotta piss harder
than Katrina's opera of prophetic rain
and you can feel the laughter behind your
eyes burning like vodka socket shots
and you know that you are going half crazy
while the other half is already gone
somewhere off in the universe
watching gay unicorns daisy chain
their horns through honey nut cheerios
in fields full of poppy plants 
and God is a laxative
and my toilet won't flush
and Love is a retarded teenager
 unafraid to dance before a complacent crowd
of a million tie dyed sheep
while revolutions are being swallowed
up into stomachs riddled by ulcers
and open sores ooze politicians
and Big Bird has a price on her head
and Southern preachers scream
that Obama is Osama
and Mitt Romney is a Muppet after all
with a great big corporate fist up his ass
and well shit,
Ain't it all just a kick in the nuts.

Come you stupid sparrows

Rose bushes like over eager teenagers
budding in January before their season
and we the people keep smiling 
cause the sun is shining and 
it ain't too cold
and the sparrows are singing in 
the barren trees and 
we have yet to suffer a real winter freeze
and I am wondering if due to global warming's 
affect on the price of oil in the middle east
if the airline prices this year were
just too expensive for those damn sparrows
to by a ticket for somewhere warmer in the south.

While walking the dog this morning
Nature caught me by the arm 
and stopped to ask me
if I knew when the first frost would be coming.
Complaining that she was over tired and that
the bears and the raccoons and the deer and all 
the forest creatures were just a bit out of sorts
wandering aimless insomniacs during this
deceptively  mild treasonous season.
Nature went further to say that her cousin 
spring seemed to have lost all patience 
and could not wait for the prom
while her step brother the Fall 
was acting like a stubborn ex-lover 
who won't take the hint
and just let go.

I invited Ms. Nature in for a cup of coffee or tea
 and a homemade cookie, 
but she declined and said
that she would have to take a rain check 
for a more in-climate  day.
Seeing as it was so pleasantly warm for this time of year
what zonder it would be to stay inside, she said.
I am going for a walk 
along the beaches of Zandvoort and Boemendal,
 Nature proclaimed.
What a pleasure to do so on a Tuesday morning
with the sun shining such lovely rays of ignorance upon us.
Plus with the rest of world working and worrying and all the
German tourists back in Hamburg, Nuremberg and Marienberg
the beaches are finally free of debris.
And I have a hankering for some kibbeling
with whiskey sauce and a sea breeze,
said Ms. Nature before she summoned all her forest friends 
and stated  "Sorry rose bush try not to freeze, 
come you stupid sparrows 
through the dunes and on to the sea!"

Oh Iowa

Oh, Iowa

Oh Iowa,
I shed a tear for you.

How do you tolerate all the
men in collared shirts and sweater vests,
polished SUV’s and perfectly combed hair.
Clogging the streets of Mason and Sioux City
with CNN fatty acid news feeds of politicians
spewing cholesterol filled slogans,
slinging hollowed out hot dog promises.

Oh Iowa,
you are the
artery choked heartland of a country in coronary arrest.
Your commonplace street corners over run by
wide eyed crusaders calling out for your right wing conservative votes.
Proclaiming the need to put God back in the White House and every other house
schoolgunstoreshoppingmallgasstationrehablibrary
weightlossprogramfootballstadiumboyscouttroop,
where men and women with perfect sparkling white teeth proclaim that belief belongs.

Oh Iowa,
bologna on white bread miracle whip
ancestors of Anglo Saxon immigrants
home to the Amish, the Quakers, the Mennonites
the German Pietists and Transcendental Meditationists.
In the name of Slipknot we call out to you,
death metal citizens of Davenport, Cedar Falls and Waterloo.

Oh Iowa,
Des Moines, safe and sanctity
capital city
overrun and pillaged by spin doctors
spitting out false prescriptions for healthcare.
Painted faced politicians
fevered and frothing with sound bites
reporters roaming rabid dog expectations
swing votes like small prey
making them anxious
heating their loins.

Oh Iowa,
how do you handle it with such poise
When the devils come dancing down the corn rows.

Cold medicine conclusions

High on cold medicine
And caught in the act,
I said,
Come on honey
Don’t look at it as porn,
But National Geographic for naked apes.

...and As crisis trickles down the back of your throat
like the slime of so much daytime t.v. snot
Congestion this simple question
do humans really gives a shit AT ALL ABOUT THEIR SURROUNDINGS?

Monkeys scratch their asses and then sniff their fingers, too.
Yet still, there are people out there who don’t believe in evolution.